How Not to Be a Professional Footballer

By Paul Merson

An anecdote-driven narrative of the vintage footballer's ‘DOs and DO NOTs’ from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and soccer pundit Paul Merson, aka ‘The Merse’.

When it involves suggestion at the pitfalls of existence as a qualified footballer, Paul Merson can pretty well write the handbook. in reality, that is precisely what he is performed during this hilarious new publication which manages to be concurrently poignant and gloriously funny.

Merson was once a prodigiously gifted footballer within the 80s and 90s, gracing the higher echelons of the sport - and the tabloid entrance pages - along with his breathtakingly abilities and larger-than-life off-field persona.

His much-publicised battles with playing, drug and alcohol dependancy are at the back of him now, and soccer lovers remain attracted to his sharp footballing mind and playful antics on SkySports cult effects exhibit football Saturday.

The ebook delights and entertains with a treasure chest of extraordinary anecdotes from a guy who hasn't ever misplaced his love of soccer and his inimitable joie de vivre via a 25-year organization with the attractive Game.

The DO NOTs include:
DO no longer undertake 'Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentor
DO no longer percentage a home with Gazza
DO no longer frequently position £30,000 bets on the bookie's
DO now not get so inebriated that you just cannot bear in mind the ninety mins of soccer you simply performed in
DO now not deal with Walsall (at any cost)

How to not be a certified Footballer is a highly exciting, relocating and laugh-out-loud humorous story.

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My bladder used to be in knots. when we kicked off, I felt knackered. gamers who’d seemed within the FA Cup ultimate, no matter what kind of membership they have been from, continually mentioned what a tremendous pitch Wembley used to be to play on, particularly on the outdated floor. every time i assumed approximately that, I figured it was once no higher than most of the pitches I’d performed on within the First department, plus I’d been there with England and performed within the League Cup ultimate a month past. i presumed the FA Cup will be the similar, however the first run I made of the kick-off replaced my brain.

Within the semis we drew the Italian aspect, Sampdoria. They have been a fine looking tasty staff and featured a couple of overseas avid gamers like Roberto Mancini and Atillio Lombardo. It used to be a correct ding-dong tie, and after the second one leg at their position in Genoa we drew 5–5 on mixture and the sport needed to be settled on consequences. Like i wished that. After 4 consequences, that they had ignored ; we’d overlooked one and that i in simple terms needed to ranking my spot-kick to place us via. No strain. in truth, i presumed I’d be writing headlines for the paper boys the subsequent morning: ‘Former coke addict ratings the successful penalty to place Arsenal into the ultimate.

With out him, Arsenal wouldn’t have received a faucet. Arsène was once fortunate simply because he inherited a again 4 that George had outfitted with lots of labor and strong strategies. It used to be so good schooled that Arsène fairly didn’t need to take into consideration who he was once going to choose on the again, as the defence picked itself: Spunky in objective, Tone and Bouldy (or Martin Keown) within the heart, and Nigel and Lee Dixon as full-backs. It wasn’t broke whilst Arsène confirmed up, so there has been no use for him to mend it. clear of the again 4, Arsène had an eye fixed for a ball-playing footballer.

Medicinal drugs aren’t within the equation nowadays, both. If a participant begins snorting coke and he’s stuck out, then he’s dealing with a big ban. It’s simply no longer worthy it. in order that in basic terms leaves playing as a vice (well, and girls) and there’s a hell of loads of that occurring. a world participant may be on-line instantly, blowing tens of hundreds of thousands of kilos in bets, and no-one could understand. the one those that see the having a bet enormous hitters are bookies, and they’re unlikely to assert something. A prime League footballer is a dream punter, simply because he’s acquired time and cash to burn.

He acknowledged. ‘My mum rang me up and used to be occurring approximately you, moaning, “That Merse bloke consistently will get your identify mistaken on television. What’s up with him? ”’ I simply want Mrs Ebanks-Blake had known as her son Steven. There wouldn’t were an issue. no longer in one million years. I’m now not often an excellent pass judgement on of individuals, and occasionally whilst I meet new pundits for the 1st time, i would imagine, ‘Hmm, I’m not likely having him. ’ more often than not I’m incorrect. Neil Warnock is the best instance, simply because while he’s screaming and shouting from the touchlines, he’s an absolute horror exhibit.

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