Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny

By Holly Madison

Lost in Wonderland . . .

A fairy-tale dream that grew to become a nightmare, and a girl whose energy helped her give you the option out to the opposite side

At 21, small-town Oregon woman Holly Cullen turned Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s #1 female friend. yet like Alice’s trip into Wonderland, Holly’s plunge down the rabbit gap took her to an international the place all used to be no longer because it appeared. The fairy-tale existence contained in the Playboy Mansion—which incorporated A-list star events and starring in a leading tv show—quickly devolved into an oppressive regimen of strict principles, manipulation, and battles with bold, backstabbing Bunnies that almost drove Holly to take her personal life.

Down the Rabbit Hole is her introspective account of her time contained in the Mansion: the medicine, abuse, notorious events, and Holly’s actual behind-the-scenes existence with Bridget, Kendra, and Mr. Playboy himself. it's also her chronicle of therapeutic and wish. by way of telling her tale, either a cautionary story and a party of private empowerment, Holly reminds us of the significance of struggling with for our dreams—and of discovering the lifestyles we deserve.

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And who cared if he was once critical or now not? I wasn’t going to get with the fellow besides. an important a part of the evening, for me, was once that during the span of 1 night he had single-handedly overwhelmed one in every of my greatest fears approximately leaving the mansion. probably I wasn’t broken items in spite of everything. in reality, in Criss’s eyes, i used to be particularly fascinating. After a number of glasses of wine, Criss gave me a travel of the Luxor Theater after which followed me again to the fingers and walked me again to my suite. He invited himself into my room, supplying to “tuck me in.

In early 2012, i made a decision to not renew my Peepshow agreement for 2013, regardless of the profitable supply awarded to me. That yr marked my fourth yr with the exhibit, and through then, i used to be not just taking part in Bo Peep yet had additionally followed the making a song Goldie Locks function as a part of my functionality. up to I enjoyed it, there wasn’t a lot extra for me to compliment the construction. And whereas I wasn’t desirous to depart in the back of a forged and group that had develop into like relatives to me, in some way staying didn’t suppose correct. i needed to depart the exhibit whereas it was once nonetheless on most sensible .

My pal Roxy were selected the yr ahead of and had advised me how a lot enjoyable it was once and the way many folks she had met. i used to be nonetheless hoping to damage into the leisure international and was once wanting to take any opportunity—even if it used to be only a festival name. “No,” Hef acknowledged whilst I advised him in regards to the provide and requested permission to depart for 2 days. I anticipated him to might be pout a section, yet I wasn’t fairly looking ahead to a flat-out no. Hef by no means appeared by way of my task, and because he wasn’t desirous to characteristic me in Playboy, I couldn’t think why he might care approximately me being in one other journal, specially because there has been by no means something racier than a bikini photograph within the Hooters journal.

Now, I can’t end up that both of this stuff occurred, however it may clarify why he was once so overly delicate approximately this actual rule. at first, I’m certain the staffers inspiration i used to be extraordinarily aloof and chilly, yet i used to be in truth simply scared shitless. If I obtained kicked out, I had nowhere to head. I couldn’t probability it. every one female friend was once given a weekly “clothing allowance” of $1,000 for costs. It was once anticipated that we use this cash to buy garments to put on for night occasions in addition to good looks remedies (hair, nails, waxing, and so on.

After gaining a few self-confidence and a bit viewpoint, I observed simply how drained his regimen had turn into. It’s like i used to be seeing him with new eyes. He was once not this infallible icon I created in my brain. He was once only a spoiled baby in an outdated man’s physique. “I need to go,” I stated. “That’s ultimate. ” Silence. “Okay, darlin’,” he controlled, his voice choking up (sincerely, for a change). “But i am hoping you are going to think again. ” Hef was once in denial approximately our breakup for a very long time. He chalked it as much as a few form of section i used to be facing.

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